an apology and a goodbye.

first, i write today to apologize for leaving so abruptly exactly a year ago to this date.

sunshower style began nearly two years ago, when my school was on strike and i needed something to do. it continued through the summer, but when school started up again last year i realized i didn't have quite as much time as i thought i would. i kept the blog open in the hopes that i could get back to it someday, but i don't think it's time will come.

i want to thank my readers and friends for being so supportive, and trusting, and for putting up with my spelling errors! i still take up a little corner of the internet writing poetry, but this is it for sunshower style. i am extremely grateful for this rewarding experience.

thanks for everything!

lovelovelove
-B!

thoughts; reflections on phil. 4:13

song of the day: the bird and the worm, owl city

sorry i haven't had much to say on fashion or beauty as of late. even though i've stayed with my commitment to never take a day off style, my outfits have been a lot simpler in recent days. (although i will put up pictures soon of the aforementioned french connection dress!) but this is something i've really been mulling over in the last couple days, and i realized i had no place to publish it. but i mean, all that i believe is as much a part of my style as anything else, so why not? here's what's on my mind.

as i was thinking about school, and everything else i'd taken on this year. i've only ever been thinking about what i can do to make it through. i mean, i though it all figured out when i was reminded of this verse: "i can do all things through christ who strengthens me." (phillipians 4.13)

i wrote it down in my agenda and made it my mantra for the last couple weeks. but in my typical self-absorbed fashion, i only focused on the first part: i can do all things. i can do 23 hours of school, 16 hours of church stuff and 10 hours of work cause the bible says i can. makes me sound like i could be superwoman or something.

i didn't even realize i'd totally manipulated the verse until a few days ago. when i went to read it again and i realized that it isn't just a line, that's not all that paul said while he was writing his letter to the people of philipi. so often i take bible verses completely out of context when it wouldn't make sense to do that anywhere else. like if you opened up a random book, took one sentence out of it and tried to live your life by it, it would seem completely ludicrous. and yet that's what i did.

so i read the whole chapter twice (it's not that long) and it's got some really great stuff. it touches on being humble, working joyfully, pressing on towards goals, though not in the way i thought it would. phillipians four, contrary to what i thought, isn't offering advice on why people are strong. it's not so much a pep talk not for me, but for god. it starts off by thanking god for all he's done and who he is. it's an argument for why god has given paul everything he needs. quite obviously, it's the latter, not the former part of verse 13 thats the important part. and check the message translation:

¹² i've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. ¹³whatever i have, wherever i am, i can make it through anything in the one who makes me who i am.

kinda puts a new spin on things. i look less like superwoman and more like myself. usually, i tend to ignore these, but today i checked out the accompanying verse my bible tucked in at the end there. “my grace is all you need. my power works best in weakness.” so now i am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of christ can work through me.(2 corinthians 12:9b, NLT)

so i will not complain, but boast in my inadequacy. i'll do it right now. i know that between taking first, second and third year courses on a major i've just switched to, and leading a youth choir (something that i know nothing about) i'm in WAY over my head here. but i'm warming up to the idea that even despite all my to-do lists, organizers and freaking out, god's already got this.

i feel, or rather i know, that god's been behind all the decisions i've made. like calling me into communication studies, and telling me that yes, those four extra hours a week doing youth choir are what i need to be doing right now. so i don't know what i would even think that he would just abandon me now. even if you don't believe in god per se, i feel like when things get stressful we seem to forget we're never completely on your our own. it is so like our culture to muscle through things by ourselves. you know?

but for me, i'm proud to say i am unable to handle all of this on my own, and i'm super glad i don't have to. anyway, that's all for now. the textbooks are calling!

xoxo
-B.

got the picture from here.

thoughts; style evolution

song of the day: smile, lily allen

as i was prepping to write all these articles about style, i got thinking about how my style has changed. when did you first start buying your own clothes? in jr. high i kind of bought a few things here and there but i think i really started buying all my own clothes in high school and i think that's where my real style evolution begins. to sum up my style: "anything on sale." other than a few babysitting gigs, i didn't have a job through most of high school. so my fashion choices were really limited. truly, i don't think i paid more than $20 for anything the whole time. i will say this right now, i was not a fashionable kid. back then, i didn't care about clothes that much.

i was going through all of the old photos i could find. what i found, is that i was too embarassed to put any of them up here. i think my high school style had two real periods. for most of grade 9 and 10, the last dregs of what i call the chubby period, a typical B outfit would be: a striped polo, worn over a long sleeve top, with flared jeans. (no they weren't popular at the time but yes, i still wore them) it was all about comfort. although, it has ALWAYS been about jeans. i think i've only owned one pair of sweatpants my entire life. i did have a lot of cool accesories though. interesting quirky pieces eithered borrowed or bought and i wish i hadn't lost most of them now. i had these rainbow star earrings that led me to meet one of my BEST friends. the end of grade 10 also marked a mini-goth phase punctuated by a LOT black nail polish and a bad attitude. SO glad i grew out of that.

by grade 11 and 12 i think the main word to describe my style was cute. i wore a lot of graphic tees with silly sayings or cute pictures. my short torso meant i could buy clothes from the kids department so i had a whole range of places to buy them from. there were a lot of skirts and sneakers involved. i remember in the winters i'd wear my scarves indoors, before it was popular to do so. i got a lot of strange looks. there was this grey zipper hoodie i had that i carried with me EVERYWHERE. i kept sewing the holes up cause i didn't have the good sense to throw it away and buy another one. but it really did match with everything.

since university 2 years ago, i've really toned things down. ditched the cutesy graphic tees for simpler pieces. traded hoodies and sweaters for cardigans of all shapes and sizes. i still LOVE jeans, although i tend to favour a skinny fit now. there have only been MORE scarves and a lot of dangly necklaces. oh! and i finally started using makeup. it sounds small, but those few changes have made all the difference in the world.

now that i'm at the end of it, i highly reccomend you track your own style evolution, it's so interesting seeing where you've come from to get a better sense of where you're going. i like the idea that i'm pressing onward to stylish, one blog post at a time.

what were your wardrobe staples/signature items from the past and how are they different now?

got the photo from here.

thoughts; more to love

i'm afraid i've finally caved. after long years of abhorring any type of reality tv, i've finally gotten hooked. i don't know what it is. the lack of good summer programming on major networks, my budget (i have been staying home a fair bit more these days), or maybe i've finally just gotten bored enough to watch. either way, i wouldn't miss an episode of more to love if you paid me.

it's pretty much the bachelor, but for a plus-sized man and a house full of plus-sized women. i'm not saying i approve of the show because i kind of feel they exploit the whole plus size/low self esteem issue. but, and i am so ashamed to admit this, but i'm kind of addicted. i've never watched a show like this before -i'm more of a cartoons, CSI or sci-fi kind of girl- and i've actually learned a lot. how weird is that? to start...

○beauty isn't about size. this seems like such a no-brainer. but watching the show only reaffirmed it for me. a lot of the girls in the house are truly, geuninely gorgeous. the ones i consider "ugly" are the girls who do crazy things for attention, go around badmouthing everybody else. beauty, for me, boils down to integrity. but on the aesthetic side of things? it's all about a great smile and clothes that fit and flatter you.

○obsession is NOT attractive on anyone. in fact, it just makes you look plummm crazy. don't leave notes on people's bedroom doors. don't tell them that you're falling for them a few days after meeting them. (cough *kristian* cough)

○this kind of goes hand in hand, but there is nothing as unattractive as trying too hard.

○i've learned alot about "the perfect man." he is never worth stabbing people in the back for. he is not dating other girls while he's dating me. and he ISN'T the perfect man if he doesn't love me back.

○i've learned i could NEVER be on a game show like this. i'm way too nice and i fall way too hard.

○one surfire way to bomb a date: talking too much (danielle, anyone?)

○on the plus side, i feel a little better about things. i'm always scared when i like someone and begin to pursure it that i'm going too far. but i feel like watching the show has given me a more accurate view of what that looks like. but on the reverse: it's made me doubt when i have a connection with someone. cause usually the girl who says "we have a connection" goes home.

○ and lastly, i've learned boys don't know what's good for them. cause lauren should have gone home on the first day =P

please tell me i'm not the only one watching this =P or the only one who glean's life lessons from television.

anyway, some updates from my life as of late. i thought gi joe was fabulous! it definitely helped that i spent the last week prepping by watching the old school cartoons. i really liked it. also, we're 12 days in and i can count the number of purchases i've made this month on one hand! go me!

xoxo
-B.

thoughts; types

time for some friday afternoon musings? yes i think so. a little while ago i had a friend of mine who's looking into this new guy and has taken to asking me "what do you think his type is?" and i had to stop and think about that. i thought about the girls he's dated before but couldn't really find too many similarities between them. then i stopped to think about the people who i've liked/dated. their personalities were all REALLY different. i mean, they've all been male, that seems to be the general theme. but that's it. every time i went to make a rule, i could always find an exception. i don't think you can help who you like, whether they fall into specific types or even if they don't.

plus, i feel when people say type, almost 80% of the time, it has to do with looks. i wouldn't want to miss out on someone with a personality that perfectly compliments mine because i was too wrapped up in where they shop, or how tall they are. i don't like typing stop me. it's just too narrow a way of look at people. you can't say "you only date athletes" because that's a trait that can change, you know what i mean? i'd be lying if i said i didn't have preferences, but not a solid "type."

but then i had to look at things from the other side. and in thinking about it, i've come to the realization that I don't really fit the "ideal type" of most of the guys around me. well not just me specifically, any black people really. excuse me for being so candid, i don't mean that in a racist way. because to be perfectly honest, i'm not really looking for a black person either. (a preference, but not a steadfast rule) but what if the guys i know aren't as open minded about types as i am? are you? and if you like a guy but aren't his "type" do you still go for it?

i guess i'd really just wrote this to say that especially at my age (near 20) when you're supposed to be out dating i think it's better to be more accpeting of guys of all kinds. just because you've dated tall musicians your whole life doesn't mean you have to always date guys like that. opening yourself up to the possibility of dating different varieties of guys expands your dating pool and could always help you grow personally by getting to know people you might not otherwise. and who doesn't want that?
no real conclusions here, just thoughts. hope you're having a happy friday! if my movie plans pan out, i will show the result of my uhurua-inspired look.

-later days!

thoughts; you make time for what's important

(song of the day: everybody knows, john legend)

morning! so today i'm thinking about time. when i was little the days seemed to crawl by, and now i can't get them to stop. my friend's B is getting married tomorrow and it feels like they only started going out just yesterday. it's crazy. things just go SO fast. i mean, it's almost july and it feels like i have yet to do anything with my summer vacation. while i was writing my last essays and exams i made a list of all the things i wanted to do, and they all remain un-checked.

i've always said: you make time for what's important. but never really taken my own advice. usually when i say it, i'm whining about whatever friend blew me off that week. but it applies to me too! i mean, somehow i always find time to (guiltily) read perez, or browse EVERY twitter trending topic or go see a movie i don't even really want to see, or make a late night mcdonald's run, but i've got a novel i've been meaning to write and i haven't even started. i mean, this week has been ridiculously busy and fun, but at the same time i haven't really done much.

when you "can't find" the time for something make time! being too busy isn't always an excuse. EVERYONE is busy. my advice? define what's important to you and then do it. do it right away! don't make time an excuse. it's easier to get things done when you've got your priorities straight. deep down, i realize i always find time to watch reruns of the office, or hang out with people because i love that stuff. even if it doesn't really accomplish anything. in all honesty, i need to put a bigger effort toward getting the important stuff done.

in the next week, i'll be thinking about spending my time more wisely. if writing's what's important to me, that's what i'm going to make time to do. so what about you? what do you need to finally get around to? for more check out this short post for the skelliewag blog, even the comments were helpful.


and one more thought;

here's what i learned from princess protection program. i saw it the other day and one line stuck with me. in typical fashion, the mean girl tries to make a fool of the perfectly innocent good girl. but instead of striking back, instead of getting angry, she replies "no one can make me something i'm not." i'm paraphrasing, but it's so true. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

-xoxo!

photos from here and here.

thoughts; motivation

"Fashion is the healthiest motivation for losing weight."
-Karl Lagerfeld

oh crazy karl. he's a man i both respect and fear, not gonna lie. but when i first read this quotation a number of weeks ago. i unashamedly laughed out loud. i mean, it sounds like he's perpetuating the crazy rail-thin superficiality that made me initally hate fashion in the first place. (it's true. i used to HATE fashion and anything that went with it. but that was more out of envy than anything, check out what i would've said to myself back then.)

these past few weeks it's been all about ponytails, american eagle hoodies and keeping the carton of icecream next to my laptop to "inspire" my essay writing. (that's right CARTON. no bowl for me!) then, last night after my exam, i moved all my textbooks to the basement and brought my summer clothes up. i was surprised to find, there's a lot less to them then i remember.

not that i'm saying my clothes are skimpy, i just mean, i'm not quite ready to jump right in to feeling so exposed, you know? it's like coming

and i mean, i've still got sometime to work my way into them. even though it's may, i'm writing this on my back porch in a sweater and jeans. and then this quotation came to mind.

i'm at the point in my life where i think that beauty actually does come in any size. whether i believe karl or not, i think it is time to change my eating/working out habits a little. especially cause i now have time to do so (and because bikini-season is rapidly approaching. dundundun).

i would never call fashion the healthiest motivation. but i do see where lagerfeld's coming from. i mean, it takes a LOT to motivate me. so what i'm about to propose this in the first place it's prrrrretty crazy.

i've decided to follow that one week plan i found on cosmo a little bit ago. i know rachel's in for it too. you can totally do it too! on monday, when i start, i'll go over the terms again. i'll play it your way karl, just this once.

anyhoodle, i'm headed off. gonna fit a little bit more reading in before i head down to see a play. have a happy friday!

-lovelovelove.

thoughts; you can't hurry love

(song of the day: don't make me wait, locksley)

"you can't hurry love." how many songs sound like this? and i still refused to believe it was true until just a few days ago. i think one of my many downfalls is that i'm so susceptible to tv. cause i mean on tv you can fall in love within the span of a half hour. you don't even have to be friends first. that person might not even like you when the episode opens. but by the end? they're in love. real love. just like that. in movies it takes two hours max, with a kiss just before the credits roll. the end!

and for a long time i've just been wayiting for this DAY, you know, where everything would just fall into place. everything would just happen. just like it does on TV. i think my life's been fortunate in a number of ways. and i'm kind've just used to things being instantaneous. things in my life kind've just happen with minimal effort on my part and i assumed relationships were like that too.

but i suppose i'm just telling you what you already know, most people don't mistake real life for television. (but oh how i envy its easy answers, laugh track and brisk storylines!) so yeah, feel free to welcome me to the real world now.

haha. yeah, i find it hilarious that i said i wouldn't write anything about love and all that and now i can't seem to stop =P haha. i've just been thinking about these kinds of things for a while now. alrighty, i've got an essay calling my name.

-xoxo.

Photo courtesy of Psyhcadelic Tuna.

thoughts; you belong with me

so i was listening to that song by taylor swift? or at least it's something like that. there are a billion songs of this same nature. and i was thinking the other day that songs like that kind of send the wrong idea.

i'm sure you're all familiar with it. (check out the song, with lyrics here) but just to recap in the song she's singing about how the guy she likes is with some cheerleading-high-heel-wearing-preppy girl. and taylor's so certain that they belong together. but my thing is, if he likes a girl like that, maybe you don't know him as well as you thought. it's quite clear he does NOT see that he belongs with you. it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

and i'm not saying she's the only one guilty of this type of thing. i googled it and came up with a slew of others that they simlar things. i only became aware of this cause i was singing along to a song that said something similar and for a second started to believe it. and there are some girls who do! and i think it breeds an unhealthy neediness. this feeling that you HAVE to have this guy. it's destiny or something. and i think that in turn breeds a really clingy, deperate vibe that only chases guys away.

but that's just me. anyone else feel the same way? thoughts?

thoughts; why we like the beast

original post date: april 3, 2009
(song of the day: the fear, lily allen)

story time! imagine there's a father and a daughter. the daughter, is beautiful, smart, if maybe a little too bookish. and the father is kind of bumbly but loveable none the less. and one day the father is kidnapped by a ruthless... very hairy guy, who holds him hostage. the daughter goes looking for her father, and when she finds him, takes her father's place as the villain's captive. while her father goes free, she's stuck with the villain forever. yet somehow, after enough times go by, the girl falls in love with the villain.

and there you have it! me and my friend suze were trying to find out just why girls fall for the beast. i mean, on a personal note? i think it's the musical numbers that really get me. and it's true, even though the beast/prince had been horrible his ENTIRE life, he does turn out to be a standup guy. and suze pointed out that a lot of people think that this translates to real life. but i think for the most part, what you see is what you get. people are bad are just bad. and we still seem to fall for them anyway.

i'm speaking in generalities here. i mean, some women do have the good sense to stay away from the bad boys of the world. i know i don't. i can think of plenty of "beasts" in my romantic history. there was one guy in particular that it took forever for me to get over and he was totally not right for me. i mean, i KNEW he was going to treat me badly, and somehow i still didn't seem to care. and why is that? i hit the streets, i did some research, i asked around. but no one really had a definitive answer. what i found, after the jump...

there are some girls who like a challenge. but i'm pretty sure i'm not one of them. you know how i'm prone to pigritude. (ha! score one!)

some girls like a fixer uppper. someone they can change. again not me, because again, it's way too much work.

some girls like the sense of adventure. and while it's true that this wild, crazy guy will probably never be boring, but getting my heart broken isn't exactly my idea of fun.

i somehow got to this forum that was primarily aimed at guys (who were asking the same question i was). and one guy rather chauvinistically thought that bad guys were just really good at playing girls into thinking they want them. (confused? hah. i was too. silly insights from the guy mind)

another guy from the same site just pointed out that some girls are addicted to drama. (which i'll admit, sometimes may be true.)

i stopped and just thought about it. and i agree with part of what i found. i always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. there may be a bit of me that hopes people will change. i want to see the good in everyone (not just guys)

but when i liked that "beast"/guy, even though he was hurting me even while we weren't going out, i couldn't stop thinking about what it would mean if he liked me. i mean it's almost too easy to be with a good guy. but if this wild crazy wild guy who could have anyone chooses you. even if only for a moment, he likes you, it's just worth so much more. would you agree? or do you have a different reason?

there's no real resolution here, i'm just thinking....

-lovelovelove

thoughts; the invisible woman

Original Post Date: March 23, 2009

(song of the day: song for a friend, jason mraz)

i didn't get ANY work done today. well that's not true. i nailed this dance routine in under an hour. i got caught up on gossip girl and all the cartoons i missed o'er the weekend. school work though? i didn't even touch it. my backpack stayed up in my room. i've made it a goal writing something about getting things done, that is, as soon as i find something that actually works. it'd be easier to motivate a rock. i swear though, as soon as i'm done this entry i'm going to start my readings i promise. anyway...

i've been realizing something lately. generally i kinda think of myself as pretty easygoing. i roll with the punches but lately i've been realizing i sometimes a little too much. i was out with some good friends the other day. generally they're great, but there are sometimes where they kind of forget i'm there. and by kind of, i mean they most definitely forget i exist. i don't think it's intentional, but there are times when they have different priorities or other people to talk to and all of a sudden i'm the invisible woman. it's so strange, to watch a conversation just swirl around you when you're not a part of it. and i don't really do anything about it. they treat me as if i'm invisible and not surprisingly, that makes me think that i am.

and i used to think it was all my fault. that i was too shy or too awkard. and sometimes i am! but sometimes it's just other people being completely rude. even before this week i always make it a goal not to let people feel invisible, you know? cause i'm well aware it's one of the worst feelings in the entire world. but i have to remember, even when people are completely oblivious to you, even if they treat you like crap, to some extent it's still your choice to let it affect you. and in this case, i'm choosing not to let it anymore.

-xoxo, sunshower

thoughts; the scorecard

Original Post Date: March 11, 2009
(song of the day: risky business, the cab)

i've been thinking about my scorecard theory a lot in the last few days, and now i'm writing about it. you''re forewarned, it's super idealistic and cliché, but you're just going to have to live with it =P i've kind of noticed that friends, subconsciously, always carry this scorecard with them. i don't even think it's our fault that we, as humans, have been conditioned to make sure things are always "fair." for the most part, people only want to do something good for someone else when they get something out of it. give a little, get a little. if not equality, equity. i'm speaking in generalities here, cause i'm sure not everyone thinks this way, but it feels like favours have become a currency all their own. (like, i don't feel like listening to her today, i talked her through her last fight with her boyfriend BUT she gave me a ride home the other day. so i guess i'll listen after all) pesonally, i know i'm less inclined to help someone who isn't helpful to me. i'm certainly hoping now that i'm not the only person who thinks this or i've just outed my self as a total heartless bitch. anyway...

yesterday i was talking with a friend of mine about this girl he'd been kind of annoyed with. whenever they were talking, she wasn't listening to what he had to say, but when she had a problem she kind of automatically demanded that he be there to listen. i'm pretty sure everyone has a friend like that. (i think i've got at least three. pahaha.) and my first instinct is always to back away from those type people. i never actually do, but i find it really hard to be there for people who aren't there for me. it's like whatever happened to, i'll scratch your back, you scratch mine? it's the scorecard theory =P

funny enough, the weekenders were the ones to remind me about the importance of being a good friend. did anyone see that episode where tish tells them they owe her favours? she draws up this "friendshp score" card thing and pretty much bullies them into helping her with her science experiment. that situation's a little different, but i was really thinking about it one day while i was on stirke.

some people say that when they help others they get that "good" feeling by the end of it. which is fine, but not necessarily true. i mean, if you're expecting to feel good by the end of it, you're still EXPECTING to get something out of whatever you're doing. i think if you're being truly selfless, it's probably NOT going to feel good. sometimes being there for someone else when you've got other things to do is awkward or untimely. sometimes it just sucks. i'm sure we've all sat through rants when you've got a big paper due, or gone out somewhere you really don't want to, or spent time with someone you'd rather not. bottom line though, i'd rather have a selfless friend, than a selfish one. so i got to thinking that's the type of friend i have to be. haha. cheesy, i know. but you were warned!

||||

in other news today, i did what i promised never to do and paid for it. i took a day off when it came to style. but this morning, i got a cold, goy my period and got into a HUGE thing with my mom. i grabbed a hoodie and went out the door. so of course today, the most GORGEOUS guy i've ever seen at glendon strolls into my french class and sits beside me. i'm talking newsboy cap, plaid shirt, jeans, CONVERSE shoes, gorgeous flippy brown hair, appropriate level of scruff, really nice eyes, great laugh, hot name (patrick). you know who he looks like? a white version of that guy danny from work, not sure if you've heard me go on about him (well, i know jenn has. haha) and on top of all that, he might not even be gay! his voice was of normal male timbre, he wasn't carrying a purse, and his french was actually pretty bad! you know how rare that is at glendon? but yeah, i must have looked a hot mess after spending the morning crying. it was grrrrrreat. tomorrow it's back to fabulous! (i'll probably have a fashion/beauty related blog too, watch out!)


-lovelovelove.

thoughts; the glow

Original Post Date: February 26, 2009
song of the day: butterfly, jason mraz.

today has been going great! one of those days, where you're in such a good mood that even the little things seem amazing! seventeen came in the mail, i scored tickets to this play, i went to watch the batman to find i’d taped and episode eluding me for years (the origins of robin! he's actually my favourite superhero. batman being a close second, of course.) my sister's having a bad day so i made her cupcakes (yes, cupcakes are my fatty fix-all) but i was cleaning my room and i came across my middle school diaries.

i was writing about someone i haven't thought about in years. a girl named Bree something? i went on for a page about how cool she is, and I swear we weren't even friends. (sadly, i’ve done creepier. i have a scrapbook, a full SCRAPBOOK, dedicated to the guy i liked. i was a weird one. anyway) Bree was one of the most popular girls at Dolphin Senior Public School. back in the day. the first time i met her i was at a student council meeting. (yes, this was so long ago that i actually used to care about my school and its state.)

gosh. there's a lot of backstory to get to the point i wanna make. bare with me. or skip to the end, cause that's the important thing anyway. haha. err yeah, i was the class rep and i had to go to these student council meetings every week.

i remember walking into that room on a noon hour and being completely blown away. enhanced classes were weird before high school. i was stuck in the same classes with the same 25 kids from grade 5 to 8 (the drama! the hormones!) so it was pretty weird to be in a room where the whole school was represented.

in that first meeting, they told us that they'd be splitting us up into small groups of six in order to service the school's interests better. so they wrote the new committees on the board, handed us a piece of paper and told us to rank them in order of what most interested us. i couldn't tell you all the groups, to me there was only one that mattered. the dolphin dance committee. to no one's surprise, i didn't get in. to mine, and Bree did.

bree, as i've immortalized her in my diary, was "drop dead gorgeous." she's one of those natural pretties, you know? tall, skinny, long blond hair, clear brown eyes, a straight smile with no braces required, the embodiment of charm and an ambassador for clear skin (lucky bitch!) she was never in your face about it though. that's what made it so hard for me to hate her. (i've been trying all day to track her down today. but i don't even know her last name, or it Bree is her full one.) AND on top of being pretty, she was really nice. i remember, once, i bumped into her in the hall between classes and she held open the door for me. which was a pretty big thing. cause as i mentioned, dolphin had the great idea to gather all the smartest/losers in school and corale them into one class. (we were REALLY unpopular, it was awesome)

after they'd announced the groups, they all got together. and the dance committee just looked so great you know? i'm pretty sure they were glowing. and my group wasn't. in grade seven i was considered the Dolphin Power Committee was made up so all the odds and ends would have somewhere to go. they told us we were meant to raise school spirit and we could do whatever we wanted.

reading this is pretty weird, i can't believe i used to care about school enough to do anything about it. it always got on my nerves that our sports teams were called the Dolphin Dolphins? it was so lame. so that year we had this campaign to change the name. we accepted submissions, held a school wide vote, and settled on the Dolphin Riptide. only to have people go back to the Dolphin Dolphins by the next year. Lammmme.

the Dolphin Dance committe was where it was at! or so I was convinced! i mean, they had the glow! the dances were always the best, and they always got credit for it. the day after the halloween dance sombody actually THANKED bree for putting the dance togehter. (and she wasn't even the chair person! you couldn't be in grade seven!)

i needed to be on that committee and wanted everything that came with it. in the meanwhile, i worked really hard on the Dolphin Power committe. luckily t didn't go unnoticed, cause next year, when i was re-elected class rep and i put dance committee on that slip of paper, i got it! AND i got to be chair! take that! haha.

i didn't write anything about this in the diary, i think i was too upset to. being chair was a total hollow victory. it wasn't anything i thought it would be. even after i wracked my brain with awesome theme ideas, handed out to do lists, designed posters, and handed out tickets, no one even knew who i was. no one came up to me in the halls and thanked me for getting the Snow Ball together. there was no glow. i still wasn't bree. and it bugged the heck out of me.

apparently in middle school i was too dumb to realize that it wasn't the job, but the person who had it. even now, like eight years later (EIGHT! HOLY CRAP I'M SO OLD!) i'm not going to pretend i'm any sort of confident. (though, compared to my middle school self, i've got it in spades =P ) Bree, wherever she is, did teach me something. no matter where i am, who I'm with or what I do, i'm not going to be anyone else but me. so i better get used to it. haha. that's not as bitter as it sounds, cause i mean, on days like today i feel like i glow all on my own.

oh, the things I'd tell my 12 year old self if I could =P

love&cupcakes!

-sunshower.

thoughts; nothing to say

Original Post Date: February 20, 2009

(Song of the Day: Wonderful World, James Morrison)

i've been going with the age old adage, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. other then GUSHING over fall fashion week i really couldn't think of anything else to write. and it's already been a pretty style-heavy week in terms of this blog. but i really can't think of anything else. i'm just taking a moment to update you on the progress of my weekly resolve! (that may have been last week, haha) but for reals, i've been doing 10 minute spurts of random dancing ever since and i've lost two pounds!!!! which, you know, is really cool. that and i've actually choreographed a semi-decent routine. paha. it's good times. and kind of addictive! still haven't found my wii-fit board... but one step at a time. anyway, i'm off to sing at quest then hangout with kristen at andrew's hockey game. have a happy friday!

-lovelovelove.

thoughts; a few randoms

Original Post Date: February 12, 2009
song of the day: great dj, the ting tings

i'm afraid these thoughts are going to be particularily poignant. i'm suuuuper sleepy today and i don't have much to say. (mind you, that's what i say everyday, and these usually end up being rather long). i went shopping today! it makes me so happy! i spent a bit too much though. like it was stuff i needed, but i paid too much for it. ohhhh well. that's better than paying too much for stuff i don't need (i'm guilty of this most often). i got two new bras! so i can simultaneously check off the fourth and fifth item on my vday list! (only two more days! woohoo!) oh and update: i did thirty minutes of random dancing today, it was good times =P

i'm SO ready for warmer weather! i wanna buy sandals, eat popsicles and walk in the grass! i could try it now, but it wouldn't quite be the same. i may attempt to wear a skirt tomorrow. stick it to the man! haha. tomorrow i've got my appointment with the guidance counsellor person to try and switch my major. cross your fingers for me! =)

that's really all for today, hope you're having a good one!

thoughts; the sunshower effect

Twenty-Five Random Facts

01. I don't really considerable my self all that fasionable. I don't even think I have my own sense of style. You would never guess how much thought I put into getting dressed. But not in an insecure kinda way, it's actually really fun for me. I absolutely love reading about fashion, i can spend hours, literally.

02. I absolutely adore TV. Can't get enough of it. All sorts of it. Not reality so much, but a lot of mystery stuff, comedy, regular drama, sci-fi. I watch a lot of cartoons. All types: The Batman, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Family Guy, Kim Possible, The Weekenders, Wolverine and the X-men, Teen Titans, Ben 10. I'm pretty hardcore.

03. I hate being told what to do. Which is probably why I'm so dead set against growing up. And why I'm suuuuuuuuuuuper lazy. Not sure if that one's cause or effect.

04. I love shopping. I spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes. I looked in my closet the other day only to realize that half of the stuff i buy only get's worn once, if ever.

05. If my parents would let me, I'd be a writer. I wrote four novels last year, and they sit on my computer collecting cyber-dust. I'm in my second year of university right now, but I still don't really want to BE anything.

06. Everyone thinks I'm "the good girl." Which isn't completely wrong, but it makes it really hard to be really, truly honest.

07. I absolutely love jeans. To me they're more comfy than pajamas and sweats.

08. I'm not so good at making friends. I'm incredibly nice, but I tend to inadvertedly keep people at a distance. Not sure why that is. That said, I have seven best friends who are absolutely AMAZING.

09. September is a really good month. Everything's new again, and school's not too hard and the weather is awesome. It's not surprising that fall is my favourite season.

10. I have my licence, but my parents don't really let me drive.

11. I absolutely LOVE singing, but I'm only average at it. I'm one of the singers at my church. I've given up on magically getting discovered, but I still sing on street corners and in bus shelters.

12. I absolutely HATE rap or hip-hop or whatever. The only thing i hate more then music like that are the people who assume i like it just cause i'm black. Believe me, it happens.

13. I've never told anyone I liked them. I've also never been in a real relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if those things go hand in hand. But I'm still probably NEVER going to tell a guy I like them. I'm super nervous around boys.

14. I have a love-hate relationship with McDonald's Happy Meals. The toy makes the meal worthwhile.

15. When I was younger I was convinced my mom was Oprah. They had the same kind of hair a little while back. And Oprah was always on TV when my mom was away. Like ALWAYS. I never saw them at the same time. And I thought she was lying to protect her secret identity. Like a superhero.

16. I absolutely HATE school. Despite it. The twelve weeks it was on strike were among the happiest of my life.

17. I can't touch my toes. My legs are too long and I have a stumpy torso.

18. I really need a new job. The people there are great and all, and i probably have the best boss ever but the other day i had this horrible vision of myself in twenty years still making balloon bouquets. It was frightening. I had a nasty haircut.

19. I'm not one of those people that has to be FIRST, you know? I don't have to be the first person to discover this trend or that artist. And I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid the bandwagon if it happens to be something I like.

20. I love movies too! In pretty much the same genres as I like TV shows. One of my life's goals is to get my own page on IMDb. Not necessarily for acting. Not sure how that'll get done though.

21. One of my favourite places? The Olive Garden in Times Square. Good food and great view. I'd love to go back there.

22. I really don't like water. Never have. Water, pools, the beach. Hate it all. This is so gross, but as a kid, I used to run the water for my bath or whatever but never get in. I shower now, don't worry.

23. I have a horrible addiction to lipgloss. Like awful. I buy at least one a week and carry min. 10 on me at a time. That's the main reason my purse is so big.

24. Expanding on 22, I absolutely DESPISE rain. But I love when it rains while the sun is shining. (Sunshower, haha) I think it kind of is like my life. As Josh Groban said, "the sun's still above all the rain that's coming down." That helps me get through the rough days.

25. I may not know you, but I'm really glad you're reading this.

Stay tuned!

-lovelovelove.
(Song of the Day: The Middle, Demi Lovato)

today's been this bittersweet mix of good and bad and i'm not sure how i feel about things on the whole. today was my first day back to school. why, you may ask, is my first day back to school in the middle of february? my school was on strike for twelve weeks. and while most students were protesting and screaming bloody murder i was having the best three months of my life. i had a plethora of celebrations for my birthday, i wrote a novel, i went to an audition (that i didn't make, but still had the most amazing experience doing), i got closer with my cousins, watched a crap load of tv. In a word, it was awesome. And school just isn't. it's the exact opposite actually. i'm going to try to keep this short, assuming of course, that your attention span is as short as mine is.

i was dreading going back to school. literally dreading. i woke up this morning it was snowing and no one was bothering to plough the roads or sidewalks, which meant i had to leave earlier, and which also lead to me falling down and spraining my wrist. i'm kinda clutzy? but i never actually just wipe out on the sidewalk like that. i'm typing this all with my right hand. (which isn't too bad? i can get 40 wpm on this baby, but at least it's not my left) anyway, so basically because of the strike we have to stay in school longer and do more in a shorter time. they were explaining all the stuff we'd have to do and i was overwhelmed before we were halfway in. major suckage. there's this girl in my tuesday class who i wasn't to upset about seeing when we got back, and i managed to avoid her for a little while, but then she showed up in my tutorial. odd and unfortunate. mm. if you don't know who i'm talking about, it's a little weird, but there's a long history with this person that i'm not going to go into right now.

but then, i was on my way home and my mom intercepted WITH my favourite brownie in tow. (the white chocolate brownie from moxie's is my life) which was really really nice and so thoughtful! i'm not even sure how she knew that i was having a bad day. my sister was there, but i wish she wasn't, cause i would've gotten more brownie that way. and now i've made myself sound like a total fattie. awesome. anyway, i came home and chain smoked three episodes of avatar: the last airbender, which put me in a substantially better mood. and my mom COOKED with is so rare and amazing. but then, she flipped out randomly. i'm not even sure what she was mad out. there was just a lot of yelling involved. which you know, sucked again.

a lot of my days aren't clear cut good or bad. but a strange mix of the two, which is what i call *drumroll* the sunshower effect. hope your day's going better than mine is. or at the very least that it's either one thing or another.

-lovelovelove.

it'd make me feel better if i knew someone out there was actually reading this. drop a comment at your leisure