song of the day: butterfly, jason mraz.
today has been going great! one of those days, where you're in such a good mood that even the little things seem amazing! seventeen came in the mail, i scored tickets to this play, i went to watch the batman to find i’d taped and episode eluding me for years (the origins of robin! he's actually my favourite superhero. batman being a close second, of course.) my sister's having a bad day so i made her cupcakes (yes, cupcakes are my fatty fix-all) but i was cleaning my room and i came across my middle school diaries.
i was writing about someone i haven't thought about in years. a girl named Bree something? i went on for a page about how cool she is, and I swear we weren't even friends. (sadly, i’ve done creepier. i have a scrapbook, a full SCRAPBOOK, dedicated to the guy i liked. i was a weird one. anyway) Bree was one of the most popular girls at Dolphin Senior Public School. back in the day. the first time i met her i was at a student council meeting. (yes, this was so long ago that i actually used to care about my school and its state.)
gosh. there's a lot of backstory to get to the point i wanna make. bare with me. or skip to the end, cause that's the important thing anyway. haha. err yeah, i was the class rep and i had to go to these student council meetings every week.
i remember walking into that room on a noon hour and being completely blown away. enhanced classes were weird before high school. i was stuck in the same classes with the same 25 kids from grade 5 to 8 (the drama! the hormones!) so it was pretty weird to be in a room where the whole school was represented.
in that first meeting, they told us that they'd be splitting us up into small groups of six in order to service the school's interests better. so they wrote the new committees on the board, handed us a piece of paper and told us to rank them in order of what most interested us. i couldn't tell you all the groups, to me there was only one that mattered. the dolphin dance committee. to no one's surprise, i didn't get in. to mine, and Bree did.
bree, as i've immortalized her in my diary, was "drop dead gorgeous." she's one of those natural pretties, you know? tall, skinny, long blond hair, clear brown eyes, a straight smile with no braces required, the embodiment of charm and an ambassador for clear skin (lucky bitch!) she was never in your face about it though. that's what made it so hard for me to hate her. (i've been trying all day to track her down today. but i don't even know her last name, or it Bree is her full one.) AND on top of being pretty, she was really nice. i remember, once, i bumped into her in the hall between classes and she held open the door for me. which was a pretty big thing. cause as i mentioned, dolphin had the great idea to gather all the smartest/losers in school and corale them into one class. (we were REALLY unpopular, it was awesome)
after they'd announced the groups, they all got together. and the dance committee just looked so great you know? i'm pretty sure they were glowing. and my group wasn't. in grade seven i was considered the Dolphin Power Committee was made up so all the odds and ends would have somewhere to go. they told us we were meant to raise school spirit and we could do whatever we wanted.
reading this is pretty weird, i can't believe i used to care about school enough to do anything about it. it always got on my nerves that our sports teams were called the Dolphin Dolphins? it was so lame. so that year we had this campaign to change the name. we accepted submissions, held a school wide vote, and settled on the Dolphin Riptide. only to have people go back to the Dolphin Dolphins by the next year. Lammmme.
the Dolphin Dance committe was where it was at! or so I was convinced! i mean, they had the glow! the dances were always the best, and they always got credit for it. the day after the halloween dance sombody actually THANKED bree for putting the dance togehter. (and she wasn't even the chair person! you couldn't be in grade seven!)
i needed to be on that committee and wanted everything that came with it. in the meanwhile, i worked really hard on the Dolphin Power committe. luckily t didn't go unnoticed, cause next year, when i was re-elected class rep and i put dance committee on that slip of paper, i got it! AND i got to be chair! take that! haha.
i didn't write anything about this in the diary, i think i was too upset to. being chair was a total hollow victory. it wasn't anything i thought it would be. even after i wracked my brain with awesome theme ideas, handed out to do lists, designed posters, and handed out tickets, no one even knew who i was. no one came up to me in the halls and thanked me for getting the Snow Ball together. there was no glow. i still wasn't bree. and it bugged the heck out of me.
apparently in middle school i was too dumb to realize that it wasn't the job, but the person who had it. even now, like eight years later (EIGHT! HOLY CRAP I'M SO OLD!) i'm not going to pretend i'm any sort of confident. (though, compared to my middle school self, i've got it in spades =P ) Bree, wherever she is, did teach me something. no matter where i am, who I'm with or what I do, i'm not going to be anyone else but me. so i better get used to it. haha. that's not as bitter as it sounds, cause i mean, on days like today i feel like i glow all on my own.
oh, the things I'd tell my 12 year old self if I could =P
love&cupcakes!
-sunshower.
